My boyfriend and I have been planning for over a year. Travelling for a few months, living out of a backpack, quitting my job, leaving my family and friends behind.

Navigating being 21, I’ve slowly come to accept I am not behind in life, there is no such thing. My parents intalled in me to follow the nuclear… school, university, job, kids, the end. My whole live I’ve never known what I want to ‘do’, but I know the person I want to be maybe just not how to get there. Everyone around me had a plan, a career choice and I just followed a feeling, not a goal. Still now know the feeling I want out of life, just unsure how to get there.

“I saw myself sitting in the crotch of this fig tree, starving to death, just because I couldn’t make up my mind which of the figs I would choose.” – Sylvia plath. Maybe that will be my next tattoo, a fig tree. Essentially she is saying there are so many paths and options in life, she gets overwhealmed and chooses none. The epitomy of my life, but exploring one path is better than none. I am just scared of making the wrong decision, picking the wrong career, wrong partner, wrong place to settle, wrong friends but ultimately, I will always be okay. I have never not been okay, I’ve made it this far and have a lot of life left to live.

Travelling mainly south- east asia is hugely out my comfort zone. No routine, no structutre, new places everyday. What you’re not changing you’re choosing, I know I am made for more, I need to explore the world to at least have some idea where my place in it is. I suppose I believe just being me is not enough, I need to be doing more, working out more, enjoying life more. Florence Given, who wrote ‘Women don’t owe you pretty’ and my next read for the plane ‘Living deliciously’ started a beautiful podcast on Youtube, she said something that struck a chord for me, we create goals and once we reach the goal we aren’t as satisfied as we hoped, we reflect on the journey the hard parts, the trials and tribulations we faced to get to the goal rather than the end result instead.

That is what shapes us. Goals are just a marker, it’s who we become appreciating the journey as when we have the money the career the house we are already there and become almost notaglic of the times before that. In that, I am comforted I am on the journey, grounding myself in that I am working towards the life I want and that I have infinite time to get there, as once I do I will just set a new goal and reach higher and probably reflect on the hours worked in hospitality, long distance calls and late nights thinking she had so much time, just chill Felicity, it will all be okay.

I write to my future self in that she will explore as many figs on those trees, that being her is enough and to welcome scary feelings in, I am so beyond privilidged that I can get up and go, live with my parents, save money choose how long I travel for, having my boyfriend with me. I hope I grab onto this opportunity with both hands and push my own boundaries and comfort zones into beoming a better person and broaden my horizon of educating myself and learning about myself.

Speak to you next in LA,

Lots of love,

Felicity x